So yesterday I posted a blog discussing how one of my oldest and best ‘friends’ had recently asked me the following question “remember when you were a loser”.
As shocked as I was at the question, I kind of wasn’t at the same time. Like I mentioned in my previous post, at least every social group has a friend that doesn’t like to see their friends do well.
Today, I want to discuss the times that I felt like a loser (even though I wasn’t) and why that feeling or those emotions were the exact reason that I have never given up and always tried to succeed.
The time that my friend was supposedly referring to was after a break with my ex girlfriend, she was bat shit crazy and I’d wasted three years being unhappy with her!
Yeah I drank a bit, got a tattoo and chased women, it was fun! I hadn’t had fun in years, I didn’t last long at all though, it got boring and wasn’t me however; I know deep down that he has secretly always thought I was a bit of a loser. He has taken great pleasure in almost pitying me as a young adult growing up.
At times I’ve felt patronised and as if I wasn’t to him, equal or on the same level. How wrong he was.
As I have previously mentioned, I come from a single parent family we never had any money and we never had the latest toys, gadgets or cool things that all the other kids had.
Growing up I remember I had the same school shoes 5 years running while every year the guys I hung around with got the latest and coolest shoes. As a kid I was embarrassed for me and my younger brother, did it really matter? absolutely not, but when you are young, it feels like your world is about to implode over the smallest of things, hey ho! I’ve got some pretty sick shoes these days maybe that’s why! ha!
Anyway, I digress although we didn’t have a lot, my mother always taught my brother and I to respect ourselves, she taught us that if we wanted things we had to work for them and work hard. Along with a number of things that she taught us, I always remember that being polite and having manners were essential and if we weren’t polite and our manners were bad boy did we know about it!
All of these life lessons built a solid foundation for my brother and I as children and men. For that I will never be able to thank my mum enough.
I guess deep down until I was about 18 I actually did feel like a bit of a loser, I hated it. I always wanted the nice things that my friends had. Things like the first ever playstation that came out, a holiday abroad, the newest football boots. I never had them and the upset that this caused, not at my mum but with life in general made me start asking questions.
“how can I make money fast to get these boots” or “Maybe if we make some posters and go and cut everyone’s grass for a month we can get a playstation”, my brother was exactly the same.
I guess through feeling like a loser we both became entrepreneurs my brother more so.
What it also taught me was a burning desire to work hard this also came from the teachings of my mum, these combined have served me well through life.
My job is selling a solution to companies that spend millions of pounds on a certain product, I have to demonstrate how I can save them money, make them more efficient and so on. Do you think that every single person wants this solution? absolutely not, but I what I did learn very quickly was that I was good at this.
Little old me the ‘loser’ with nothing to offer life but, somehow able to convince CEO’s, Managing Directors and so on that my product is worth buying.
I’ve stood up in front of hostile senior management boards and pitched for millions of pounds worth of business, nailed it and won it. It isn’t easy but neither is life. If you depend on handouts and don’t work hard how can you truly be a success?
If you don’t respect where you have come from the good and the bad, how can you truly ever develop and grow?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had MD’s tell me to never call them again, don’t email them etc etc I’ve had presentations good horribly wrong and been hung out to dry does that make me a loser? does it f**k!
remember me saying how my mum always taught me to work hard, well that’s where the hard work comes in does a loser keep coming back for more? absolutely not, they get the white flag out and surrender that is not me. I love failure, failure makes my mind work harder, failure and hard work makes for a stronger mind and successful future.
What I do think is a ‘losers’ attitude is that of a 30 year old man who still takes handouts from his parents, still expects them to pay for things when he can afford it. that is my friend. The king of taking handouts, not working hard, not respecting the graft that he puts in day in and day out.
I guess some people will never understand what it is truly like to not have money and be hungry and they base their life on the teachings of their parents living for the next materialistic item or experience, if that’s what you want then cool.
It is easy to see, those who have lived a life of handouts and those who have had to work for it.
Those who base success of materialistic items and those who base success on a set of values and morals.
So, for a kid who grew up with nothing who now stands in front of CEO’s, MD’s, HR Directors and gets them to sign multi million pound contracts I guess I’m not that much of a loser or they’d say no unless, like my friend, they feel pity for me…..If so, that’s cool too just keep saying yes.
I live my life on the 3 values:
- Work hard
- have manners
- be kind
That might not work for you but for me, it does. I think that is the attitude of someone who cares and isn’t a ‘loser’ don’t get me wrong I’ve felt like a loser many a time mainly as a 13/14 year old when I hated my school shoes haha!
But that feeling of being a loser has given me desire to build values of success so actually, I am a winner so is my brother.
To my ‘friend’ if you truly thought I was a loser growing up then more fool you for spending 15 years hanging around with a loser. I actually think you are a good guy deep down and I can’t help it that you have a problem with me doing well.
It is quite simple, give less fucks, smile more and work hard and focus on your own goals and success. Don’t put people down, swallow your pride and ask them how they’ve done it.
Some of the most successful people I know have given me the best advice by simply asking them how.
Every successful person likes to share their stories.
Have a great day.